UPDATE: If you are having trouble accessing the audio file:
1. Download audio file from Google Docs to your computer and save it in a location you can find.
2. Find the file, right-click it, choose “Rename” and remove the “.mp3” from the end of the file name.
3. After renaming the file, right-click it again and choose “Open with…”
4. Use Quicktime or another program that plays M4A files (NOT Windows media) to open the file and play the audio.
An alumnus recently sent me the audio from a marriage talk Heath gave to the women of the Honor Academy. I’m not usually shocked anymore by anything TM does because I feel like I’ve heard it all. But, after listening to this stunningly bizarre teaching, I am absolutely flabbergasted. I honestly don’t think there are appropriate words in the English language to describe this teaching, but I am going to try.
Clueless. Stupid. Ignorant. Arrogant. Unhealthy. Damaging. Narrow-Minded. Ridiculous. Astonishing. Bizarre. Did I mention STUPID?
Heath takes the top 5 needs of a man – which I’ve heard elsewhere and seem like a legitimate assessment – and in a bizarre twist, makes them into some sort of requirement for all relationships with men – even platonic and fatherly ones. Don’t believe me? Below is the list of needs and how Heath teaches the HA women to apply them.
Top 5 Needs of a Man:
5) Domestic Support – @5:10 Do you know how to clean? You can tell by your dorm room, can’t ya? You can tell whether you like to clean or not, just by looking at your dorm room…When it comes to your dorm room, that should be your ladies mansion.
4) An Attractive Spouse – @6:50 – Do you smile a lot? Or are you always pondering things? Are you always thinking deep thoughts? Or are you naturally vivacious? Do you just smile a lot? Can you train yourself to be smiley? It’s actually good to do.
– Also wearing makeup is “taking pride in God’s creation.”
3) Recreational Companion – @7:50 If you don’t like to go watch intramural sports, don’t get married. You probably don’t want to get married. If you would not want to sit down and watch some games with your husband, don’t get married.
@8:40 – Whatever your brother core is into, that is what you need to be into….whatever they want to do, because they want a recreational companion. Another way you can practically apply this – whatever you dad is into, you become into.
2) Admiration – @10:15 – He wants to be admired, he wants to be told he is the greatest person, that you are so glad you are part of his sister core.
@13:00 – When it comes to your manager, have you guys admired your manager?
@14:00 – Admire men, give them compliments. Don’t just do it to a few men, do it to all men.
1) Sexual Fulfillment – Surprisingly, I don’t disagree with what Heath is saying in this section. However, I don’t think he clarified enough how to manage different sexual expectations in marriage and left some people feeling like he said, “If you don’t have sex 6 times per week, you will be a bad wife.” I don’t think that is what he is saying here, but I understand how women could take it that way.
For some reason, Heath seems to think that in order to prepare for marriage, you should treat everyone in nearly the same way you will treat your spouse. What?? Marriage is often the means by which God fulfills our emotional needs – we aren’t called to go around meeting the deep emotional needs of every opposite sex person in our life. Are you freaking kidding me? If the HA women follow this advice, there are going to be A LOT of confused guys around campus. If a woman starts admiring you, praising you, serving you – you are going to think she likes you. Heath basically just told every woman in the room to go start leading guys on.
Let’s say a woman starts following this teaching – what does she do after she gets married? I don’t think her husband will appreciate the way she serves, admires and praises every other guy in her path.
By its very nature and definition, marriage is a relationship unlike any other. The way I treated my roommates and friends of the opposite sex has had NO bearing on the way I treat my spouse. I don’t have the same love for them, I haven’t pledged my life to them, and I am not one with them in God’s eyes. The idea that we should somehow treat everyone the same way we will treat our spouse but without the companionship, love and other benefits that marriage brings is just bizarre. Again, we aren’t required anywhere in Scripture or common sense to do what Heath is suggesting. Why should women “admire all guys – even ones they don’t like?” This makes NO sense. Should women admire men who cheat on their wives, who can’t hold a job, criminals, etc?
This guy is teaching about relationships??? What qualifications does Heath have? His trailer club classes also count as a college credit sociology class? Are you kidding me?? I can’t think of anyone less qualified, based on this teaching, to understand human relationships.
If I critiqued everything in this teaching, this post would be a mile long. Instead I am going to leave you with:
Top 5 WTF? Moments:
@3:09 – If you love to serve guys that you don’t naturally like to be around, you’ll be a good wife.
@12:50 – To find out if you are going to be a good wife – do you naturally admire guys? Not just the guys you like, but all the guys.
@22:00 – Marriage is very easy, if you are prepared. If you are ready, it’s very easy.
@27:30 – If you marry the wrong man, you’ll have to put your kids in daycare one day. Do you realize as soon as you get married, you are saying, “I am ready to have a child because I will probably get pregnant on my honeymoon.”…If you marry the right guy, you can do your dreams AND take care of your children. But if you marry the wrong guy, you’ll have to put your kids in daycare.
@30:35 – Heath says it’s not natural to argue in marriage and compares it to stealing or hitting people….”Do you want to have arguments in your marriage? You get to decide whether or not you are going to have arguments in your marriage.”