As we’ve discussed before, in the world of Teen Mania, women are often blamed for men’s lust problems. Unfortunately, this doesn’t stop in the world of dating. Ron also brings this issue into marriage. In a 2001 teaching on “God’s Idea of Intimacy in Marriage”, he said:
And so what I’m saying is this – this is both for ladies and for guys: You need to be the one that keeps turning your spouses head. Not because you are trying to compete with the world but because why? Because you respect yourself. You take care of yourself, you know, whether that is your weight, whether that is your hair, whether that’s your clothes. Don’t be a slob and say, “Well you gotta stay married to me! What’s wrong? How come you are looking at all those porn magazines? How come?”
Well…And that doesn’t justify somebody looking at porn, but I’m just saying that you ought to respect yourself enough and your spouse and say, you know what? I’m gonna take care of myself because I want to look good for them.
And from this year’s powerpoint presentation:
First, let’s look at his nonsensical question and answer.
Q – Why should you want to be the one to turn your spouses head?
A – Because you respect yourself.
That doesn’t even make sense to me but maybe I’m dense. Respecting myself and trying to be pleasing to someone else seem to be different ideas. If I respect myself, I don’t have to please others with my outward appearance. Additionally, there is no way I can control what turns my spouse’s head. To suggest that a man’s inability to be faithful to his woman is based on the women’s outer beauty is yet another symptom of the “blame the victim” culture of Teen Mania.
Second, even though he tried to take it back, he acted like a woman can’t be mad at her husband for using porn if she is not keeping herself beautiful.
I turn my spouse’s head first thing in the morning, wearing my pajamas with my hair all crazy and no makeup on. It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing or how much I weigh – my husband believes that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. Does he loves it when I dress up as well? Sure, but to suggest that if a woman fails to live up to a particular standard of beauty then she shouldn’t be surprised if her husband is disappointed – this is just ridiculous, unhealthy, and downright demeaning to women. And a man who thinks that way is NOT WORTH MARRYING.
The reality is that I respect myself MORE because of my husband’s unconditional love and acceptance of me. Not because I have to lose weight or wear makeup in order to “turn his head.”
Newsflash: For all of his talk about not being like the world and doing marriage and sex God’s way – these warped ideas of conditional love and acceptance based on outer beauty sure seem to be very “worldly” ideas!