Well, that’s what Teen Mania wants you to believe.
In her talk to the intern women this past November, Katie Luce said the following:
It’s not just whether we have intercourse or not, whether we are a virgin or not. But it goes deeper than that. It’s any kind of sexual immorality outside of marriage or any kind of sexual intimacy is wrong before marriage. And Sexual intimacy begins with passion…Don’t start the passion until you get into your marriage, until the first day of your marriage. Don’t even start it because all its going to do is frustrate you. Because passion elicits desire and desire will not be satisfied until it gets to intercourse. Its just the way that we’re designed. So why start it in the first place?
So what’s appropriate before marriage? Light affection. Affection is different than passion. Light affection is like a peck on the cheek , holding of the hands, flowers, those kinds of things….Passion is only for marriage.
This is terrible advice. Where do I start?
Equating kissing with sexual intimacy puts a tremendous, unwarranted burden of guilt on anyone who has been kissed. No wonder some interns feel that have to marry the first person they kiss. Notice that Katie does not provide any proof, Biblical or otherwise, that kissing/cuddling/etc. before marriage are sinful or that they should be equated with sexual intimacy. She states her opinion as fact with nothing to back it up.
Kissing is NOT the same as sexual intimacy. Will it turn you on? Hell, yes. That is why I personally think it should be reserved for serious relationships. However, Teen Mania seems to think that we are incapable of self-control. They make you feel as if one kiss will lead to sex and therefore ruin your entire relationship.
Second, in many cases following this teaching will lead to a time of disappointment. Expecting uptight evangelical women who have been taught to be ashamed of their bodies and their sexuality to go from zero to sixty in one night is kind of unrealistic. Of course, this doesn’t apply in every case but I know plenty of Christian women who grew up under these teachings who are terrified of sex. In fact, it might be easy for them to follow these dating rules but their husband, who has been promised a wonderful sex life for following these rules, is going to be in for a rude awakening when his wife can’t immediately flip the switch after saying “I do.”
This kind of teaching comes with an implied guarantee – “If I follow these rules before marriage, I will have a great sex life.” If you haven’t figured it out yet, there is no formula that guarantees anything in this life. Real sex doesn’t look like anything in the movies. It takes patience and work to cultivate a rewarding sex life. You can’t shortcut that by refusing to kiss while you date.
Now, to be clear, if you are personally convicted that this is the path for you, then by all means take it. But teaching this as Gospel for everybody is unfair, unBiblical and it leads to false guilt and unrealistic expectations.
What do you think?